


Steps

by tomurau



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Dilaudid, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 22:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3872650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomurau/pseuds/tomurau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe this is a problem, maybe it isn't, but it helps you, and you embrace the feeling that comes with the drugs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steps

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt 'Drugs' at [genprompt-bingo](http://genprompt-bingo.dreamwidth.org/). My card is located [here](http://qaayin.dreamwidth.org/1340.html).

Step one: Count out the pills in your hand. 

Step two: Count again.

Step three: Put them to the side. Cup your right hand around them to keep them from falling out of sight. 

Note: They are precious.

Step four: Lean back. Don't let your hand slip to let any of those precious pills free. 

Step five: Pick up the pills one by one, transferring from one hand to the other. Count them as you pick them up and count them again when you place each in the palm of your left hand. 

Step six: Down them. Think. 

You wait for the pills to take effect. This isn't a good habit, you know, but it's helping you. 

You can't imagine going without them. 

You shift a little. You're tired, but the cravings have kept you awake. Now that you've satisfied them, perhaps you can sleep. 

You can feel the telltale haziness that comes with the pills of dilaudid. You embrace the detachment. Your limbs are lighter, more comfortable. 

You know the team knows about this, despite how you've been trying to hide this...problem. Shooting up in the bathroom when they won't notice you're gone or pretending the pills are for something else entirely isn't enough, you suppose. 

You aren't worried about that now, though. The drugs are good about that. 

The drugs are good, you allow yourself to think. They help you. They help you think like your mind's a lake with a clear, smooth surface like glass instead of something murky and deep with waters fogged up with all those useless thoughts and considerations and unnecessary coddling for the people who can't understand anything you say without an explanation and then another and another on even the simplest things. 

You let your consciousness drift, feel it floating away, and you're oddly happy. Maybe this lightness of something lifted from your shoulders won't last, but it will help you hold on for that much longer, and that is what you need.


End file.
